Nuestras Historias

"I just wanted to be happy," but I didn't know how ..... Alcoholism and Neurosis lived in the same house with my brothers, my sister, my parents and me, they were years of survival without realizing we all got sick although deep down we were asking for peace and a little love, the plans of alcohol were different and it stole everything from me. Alcohol and I met in high school, I liked its taste, the effect it had on me, it transformed my way of being, I could be sociable and people liked the way I behaved while I was drinking and that gave me pleasure. Alcohol was in charge of throwing me several times and giving me the courage to do things that I regret and am ashamed of. In my adulthood the damage started to come out: Anxiety, Neurosis, Codependency, Depression, Isolation, Resentment, Frustration, Anger, Jealousy, Delusions of Persecution and the eternal affirmation I don't want to live anymore. I fell so much in love with alcohol that I thought so much about it that I couldn't see how it was affecting the lives of the people I said I loved the most, my two children and my husband. But that would have to end one day. And as God works in different ways I received the message of Alcoholics Anonymous, with many doubts, prejudices and fears I attended my first meeting and it has been two years since that day I arrived and stayed, I liked it and my life has taken a turn for the better because I have recovered the joy of living. My fellow group members help me every day not to drink and not to let the thief steal the people I love and the many things that God has for us. There is a solution and you will find it just like me in the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and this big and beautiful family.

Xochitl.

Hi, I'm ... and I'm a recovering alcoholic I come to this beautiful program with the 37-year-old not knowing that she was an alcoholic carrying a 17-year-old boy referred by the psychiatrist. The first day I did not understand anything, but I felt that they had seen me somewhere, that is, some of the places where I was going to drink, but we did not accept a tradition that they read because we did not know what it was. But they told us come tomorrow. So we returned the next day guided by some members, that we put an open mind to understand and when the third tradition was read to me or we were read, something prompted my body to get up, the young man followed me and also got up, but he still did not understand, That day I felt that so many people gave me their affection and I liked the first two months then the urge to drink came, I was bothered by nothing, I was irritating, critical, etc. Well, my worst character flaws had overflowed, but a colleague found me a sponsor because there was no sponsor available and that sponsor invited me to another group and there were many people and they began to treat me cool, but I was very afraid and resentful. I wanted to rub shoulders with colleagues, I only hung out with men, but little by little my masks fell silent. I needed my classmates, I couldn't trust my classmates with everything, but there were 3 special gentlemen who made me their sister and I decided to switch to that group. I was tired of fighting with myself, so I let myself be carried away by the A.A. I have been a member of this program for 5 years and 8 months and believe me I would not change any day of my past for the beautiful days that I live today.

There was a time when there were no more times, alcohol from the age of four infected my blood, the noise of it shook my child, my adolescent, my young man, my adult in addition to consuming my father and bursting his heart; Mom still survives with her forgetful beauties, bravely working today to stubbornly recover them in AL-ANON. I still remember armies of hands desecrating my diverse body, many five-minute deaths were experienced; silent, solemn afternoons, babbling a Holy Rosary in the madhouse, rarefied tears, adulterated by milligrams of clonazepam, rivotril, trazodone, fluoxetine, blah blah blah blah blah; how to forget the blackouts lit by the sinister stutter of a light bulb in my favorite canteen ... terror, daze, frustration and despair I drank them all. Dismembered, I came to Alcoholics Anonymous ten years ago, I drank three more, today I have seven years of total and complete abstention; godmother, godfather, steps, traditions, companions who are now friends, spiritual principles, faith, the cornerstone of my recovery. Without abstention there is nothing, my abstention is not a painkiller, it is just the beginning of an adventure without anesthesia, but with automatic pilot. If, as a homosexual, the doors of AA had been closed to me, today the walls of my soul would be empty, like those of a dead person who does not know that he is dead, thank you for that third tradition that protects me and will protect those who have to to get. Alcoholics, with whom we have drunk the Basic Text for entire afternoons, they are the ones who are demolishing my ego, an ego that took so much time and devotion to cultivate; I still tremble, I went back to painting, to sum up myself in some letters; In this pandemic I was awarded a prize for drawing, a selfie, a portrait with an alcoholic, an alcoholic who is now my best friend, a certain Laura E., the prize consisted of a pencil case and fantastic colors, with which I hope draw many other alcoholics; At the moment with six colleagues we are preparing a curatorial project, an exhibition, mine will be self-portraits that I have titled: “CLAROSCURO”. Life goes on, it is neither bad nor good, it is simply beautiful; Today I am certain that only the Grace of God covers me… I am still an ugly duckling of almost fifty years, who no longer dreams of being a swan, only “… a better specimen of the human race”.

FÉLIX C. GRUPO AMOR Y DIVERSIDAD BOGOTÁ, COLOMBIA.

What started as a child, on December 24, playing bartender serving liquor to adults ended up damaging my family social life. I was barely 12 or 13 years old on December 24, serving drinks to the people who were sharing in that meeting, I secretly drank the drinks I ended up lying on the floor and the children ran by and jumping over it I vaguely remember. The next day they congratulated me because I was already a boy. They gave me Creole chicken broth that they used for the guayabados. They indulged me my first drunk and my first hangover or hangover. Time continued to pass my uncles were drinkers and I knew where they were rigged. I would go through where they would give me a drink of liquor, they would tell me to have one for the worms. Thus the taste for liquor grew more and more. As time went by I became more of a man and at the same time did things more in my opinion because I was disobedient, I did not like anyone saying anything to me, I was 16 years old I left my house I started working, earning money and taking my own decisions, that is, to live an adult life. I began to have sex with women who were easy and for money and there the madman broke loose, at the age of 25 I got married to put myself to trial, that trial lasted 30 days, the ordeal of my dear wife began. I woke up with a hangover and lying on the floor I couldn't get up to work, she had to do it for me, I asked her for panela water or broth for the discomfort and she would bring me liquor I swore that I would not drink again, those promises disappeared in For two or three days, the suffering was the same or worse each time he made contact with the drink. My first daughter was born, I slowed down my alcohol consumption, I even thought that it was in the past, but every time I drank with my friends or in social gatherings, the ordeal was the same, I suffered those famous blackouts. One day only by the grace of God I came to a group of Alcoholics Anonymous and in that meeting I did not understand anything, it stuck with me, this is a spiritual meeting and I liked that, I continued to attend with the help of a sponsor, From literature, from experiences, I began to identify myself, accepting my disease of alcoholism. I was struck by a part that I read said once an alcoholic, an alcoholic forever and I realized that I had no turning back that if I wanted to live I had to learn to live without drinking. Today I have been in this wonderful community for 6 years. And my life is different. I have learned to enjoy very small things, such as a walk, a coffee, going up to a building to look at the world, etc. etc, I already have three beautiful children and my own wife, who has been my backbone, in love with Her and my beautiful community every day. Ovidio.

A few days ago, I was visiting Grupo El Marañón, a group that has been open for many years. As in all groups in the world, when a visitor or someone comes to know the program, they welcome you as if you were the most important person of the night; everyone wants to share their faith, experience, and strength.Listening carefully to what the companions shared, I smiled and nodded in each of their compartments, well of course, I identified with many of them, but it was not until the last compartment that I was totally immersed in it, this companion spoke of recovery in AA and how the program worked in him.He said this phrase: "recovery in the cup of coffee", maybe to many it seems like a common phrase, maybe until now I am listening or paying real attention, maybe I am already taking my mind to the meetings and I am not just warming up chairs in AA groups, but his phrase "recovery in a cup of coffee" seemed so good to me that I mentioned it as soon as I could to a sponsor.Many ideas came to my mind, it is true; A coffee made by the colleague who does the cafeteria service is the key in any meeting.I thought: if AA's coffee really is the cure? that coffee that many times received me when I had nothing to eat ... that coffee that once warmed my stomach, that coffee that welcomes you before, during and after the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. Is coffee the one that heals us? It was my thought during the partner's sharing.“The cure is in the coffee cup, said the colleague; It is my answer to the new one and to everyone who asks me what you have done to stop drinking ”.This phrase made me reflect for a long time, during and after the meeting, since my sponsor on many occasions invited me to have a cup of coffee both before and after a meeting, and I thought: is that where the cure is? , in the cafe?The cure in a cup of coffee is nothing more than a phrase that symbolizes part of what alcoholics anonymous is, that coffee that will always be there, no matter if it is a group of English or Spanish, low-income or better , always at the entrance of these groups they will receive all that new or companion of many 24 hours.The cure in the coffee cup is my new phrase for anyone new or for anyone who asks me how I have done to stop drinking and change my life. I will repeat it as many times as I can to remember where I come from and also as a sign of gratitude for all that they have and continue to do for me. Thanks to AA groups I am alive, thanks to that cup of coffee I often warm my stomach when I had nothing to eat. Just like me, there will be many colleagues who once entered the groups and that even after many 24 hours we can shelter our souls with the compartment and the cup of coffee that will always be there for us.Don't forget in any group, keep the doors open, be thankful, and always keep that cup of coffee.

Marlena G.

Blue Book Group, Panamá

When I first entered the Alcoholics Anonymous community, I was constantly invited to try to read the literature for two reasons: To learn the principles of the program and not take as true many things that are sometimes heard in the stands. To some extent I did what I was told; and among my first readings were The Blue Book, The Twelve Steps, The Twelve Traditions and the 44 Questions. In these readings, apart from informing me about the principles of A. A. I also found words or phrases that I did not understand or had never heard, and that when I asked a colleague who had already been in the program for a while, they did not know them either. One of those phrases I read in the chapter There is a Solution in the Blue Book, when he describes the different types of alcoholism and mentions that the real alcoholic is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (man and monster). These names are the title of a novel written by Robert Louis Stevenson, published in 1886. It tells the case of an English doctor named Henry Jekyll of very good manners and moral principles who, through scientific experiments, found the formula for prepare a liquid; a mysterious drink that when taken, produces a metamorphosis and separates the good and the bad that exist in the nature of the human being. The good Dr. becomes a different being, a being with an unpleasant appearance and that does not feel remorse; an appearance that reflected all the shameful or evil desires within him. They call this evil being EDWARD HYDE. For a long time, Dr. manages to control his double personality in a good way: during the day he interacts with his patients and neighbors like an excellent doctor, someone who cares for the good of others, but at night he becomes the lord. HYDE in whose personality he unleashes the worst of emotions and feelings that live within him. The tragic part of the novel comes at the moment in which Dr. Jekyll loses control of that split personality and in the least expected moments, the monster within him comes to life. The ingredients to prepare the mystery drink are finished and he finally dies with the external appearance of Mr. HYDE.After reading this novel, it was easy for me to understand why the Blue Book compares the life of the active alcoholic to the split personality of Dr. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE, because almost no one who has experienced the attacks of alcoholism in their own flesh will be able to deny that when we were without drinking we were or tried to be good people, however; By making contact with alcohol, we become disgusting and reckless antisocial beings. We did absurd or tragic things. Like Dr. Jekyll, the time came when we lost control and often drank at the most inopportune moments. When we got into this situation, the only way to feel good was to drink more alcohol. We closed the circle to take off the rubber band and got drunk again; what is heard in Alcoholics Anonymous, was fulfilled in most of our cases. We live the progressive nature of alcoholism, we never get better, we always get worse. For some time I believed that this split personality was only the business of the active alcoholic, however and to my surprise, when I had a little more time in AA I found that in the article in the book The Language of the Heart, entitled The Next Frontier: Sobriety Emotional, Bill brings up the problem of double personality again, but now of those of us who are already in the process of recovery. The main theme of the article is emotional sobriety, Bill believes that, to achieve it, it is necessary to discover the mute, angry and hidden "Mr. Hyde" that we carry inside. We no longer drink but fears, obsessions and false aspirations are hidden in our unconscious, they continue to rule our lives. The main challenge is to ensure that what we believe, know and want, are in the same direction. If we do so, we will surely obtain a little more maturity, emotional balance and therefore some humility to relate to ourselves, to our companions and to God.

Yader A. Blue Book Group,

Panamá

They invited me to drink red wine for a second I stepped on I see a handful of men and women telling their stories and laughing the truth did not identify me with the funds I had a car, home business, the 12 questions caught my attention, one said that if I had ever suffered Blackouts, that was one of the things that I did not like when I drank I got up looking if the car was in the garage, if it was grated, who had taken it. Depending on the song of my wife was that I knew that she had behaved as well or badly. I continued to attend A.A. meetings. It took me several months and several binges to accept the problem. The disease of alcoholism is not measured neither in the quality nor in the quantity of the liquor that is taken nor in it extracted social nor in the diplomas that you have for the studies carried out. It is measured in the effect it has on me. Taking that first drink, when I make contact with that first drink, a joy awakens in me like an allergy is difficult to stop I want another and another until I lose control then the moral and physical guava arrive, the promises that I will not take again. In the community of A. A. they taught me that it is not about promises, just for today I do not have that first drink and from 24 to 24 that obsession has been taking away from me. With the help of my Higher Power a sponsor and my beautiful A.A. community

Ovidio.

Colombia